The Path I've Chosen

"Just get any job for now. You don't have to do it for the rest of your life." These are statements I have been hearing a lot lately. Would someone please tell me where to find "any" job? It's not like I sit at home and wait for a job to come knocking on my door. I have spent countless hours preparing resumes and cover letters, sending them out, and being deafened by the silence I receive in return. It's not like I'm always applying to jobs I'm not qualified for either. Sure I've stretched the truth about my qualifications for a few positions from time to time, but I have also sent in applications to places such as Walmart and Lowes. I have a bachelor's degree and even Walmart doesn't want me. Maybe they feel I'm over qualified. That idea enrages me to no end. Any place of business should seek to employ the best possible person, right? Yet I still sometimes feel the need to hide my accomplishments so that maybe someone out there will take a second from their day to give my application a second look. It doesn't matter though. Nothing I have hidden or added in has made anyone the least bit more interested in my resume. It is easy for someone to sit back and tell me to just take the first thing that comes along, but nothing has come along for me. Each day another layer of depression and frustration lays itself upon my shoulders. Every new rejection sends me deeper into the dark pit of existence I inhabit.

I have seen the faint glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel, however. I have been writing. Along with this blog I have begun writing short stories and even a novel. I am a writer. I have been told by more than one source that if you are serious about being a writer then that is what you need to call yourself. Maybe I haven't been published yet, maybe I can't make a living out of it YET, but to say I "want" to be a writer leaves cracks in my resolve and allows doubt from myself and others to seep in. I know there are people out there who will be adamantly opposed to my decision to write. Nothing I can say or do will sway their views, but I must continue regardless. I have spent the past 25 years of my life doing exactly what I thought everyone else wanted me to do. I went to college, knowing full well that it wasn't for me, because my whole life I had had this image drilled into my head of how a successful person was supposed to act. If I didn't follow the instructions, stick to the guidelines, and follow the well beaten path, I was wrong.

Don't misunderstand me, I am not blaming anyone. I had a better upbringing than anyone could ever ask for. I was guided with love and care. If given the chance to change any part of my life, I don't even know that I would. The paths I took to reach this point have made me who I am. Perhaps at times I should have found the strength to say no and listen to the desperate cries inside myself to be a different person, but that doesn't matter now. The past can't be altered.

I am a writer. Writing makes me happy. At the end of the day I have tangible evidence as to my accomplishments. I can produce something I feel proud of. I have undying support from some; I beg it from others. Whether I receive this support or not I am still taking this road. My pen is mighty, and with it I leave behind the shackles of what I'm expected to be.