The Day of Expiration

Chuck was driving home from work one day when a giant refrigerator parachuted out of the sky and landed on the road in front of him. Chuck slammed on his brakes, but couldn’t stop in time. His car collided with the giant fridge.

The fridge let out an unearthly roar. “Nooooo! My door will no longer shut properly! I must use extra energy to preserve my insides!!” The refrigerator began to hum as his motor cooled that which dwelled within the great white behemoth.

Chuck was unharmed and quickly exited his car. He ran towards a nearby payphone to call the police. To his dismay a sign hung from the payphone which read: ‘I am out of order. Do you really not have a cell phone anyway?’ Alas, Chuck did indeed lack a cell phone.

“Oh no, what can be done?” wailed Chuck. “We are being invaded by a disgruntled refrigerator and there is no one who can help me!”

“Fear not!” came a cry from a nearby bush. Out jumped a blue raccoon toting the largest flamethrower Chuck had ever seen. “I am here to unleash fiery fury!” he screamed. He bounded off towards the giant fridge, flamethrower in tow.

“Be gone blue beast!” boomed the fridge. “I am here to conquer all!”

“Fat chance!” screamed the raccoon. He lit up his flamethrower and began torching the base of the refrigerator.

“Let them eat toast!!” screamed the fridge.

Suddenly toasters began raining from the sky. Their metallic bodies pelted the sidewalk and dented up things quite horribly. The raccoon was forced to retreat under a nearby tree.

Chuck ran to join the raccoon under the tree. “I should have known! Why, just this morning I passed a man with a sign reading, ‘The frigidation is nigh!’ I thought him simply another lunatic!”

The raccoon laughed maniacally. “Oh Chuck, I am but a raccoon. I know not of such things!” The blue raccoon ran off into the bushes from whence he had come, shooting fire into the sky and spouting nonsense.

Chuck realized there was nothing to be done. He sat down under the tree, prepared to meet his chilly fate.

That night, the streets became stained with condiments.