The Day of Expiration

Chuck was driving home from work one day when a giant refrigerator parachuted out of the sky and landed on the road in front of him. Chuck slammed on his brakes, but couldn’t stop in time. His car collided with the giant fridge.

The fridge let out an unearthly roar. “Nooooo! My door will no longer shut properly! I must use extra energy to preserve my insides!!” The refrigerator began to hum as his motor cooled that which dwelled within the great white behemoth.

Chuck was unharmed and quickly exited his car. He ran towards a nearby payphone to call the police. To his dismay a sign hung from the payphone which read: ‘I am out of order. Do you really not have a cell phone anyway?’ Alas, Chuck did indeed lack a cell phone.

“Oh no, what can be done?” wailed Chuck. “We are being invaded by a disgruntled refrigerator and there is no one who can help me!”

“Fear not!” came a cry from a nearby bush. Out jumped a blue raccoon toting the largest flamethrower Chuck had ever seen. “I am here to unleash fiery fury!” he screamed. He bounded off towards the giant fridge, flamethrower in tow.

“Be gone blue beast!” boomed the fridge. “I am here to conquer all!”

“Fat chance!” screamed the raccoon. He lit up his flamethrower and began torching the base of the refrigerator.

“Let them eat toast!!” screamed the fridge.

Suddenly toasters began raining from the sky. Their metallic bodies pelted the sidewalk and dented up things quite horribly. The raccoon was forced to retreat under a nearby tree.

Chuck ran to join the raccoon under the tree. “I should have known! Why, just this morning I passed a man with a sign reading, ‘The frigidation is nigh!’ I thought him simply another lunatic!”

The raccoon laughed maniacally. “Oh Chuck, I am but a raccoon. I know not of such things!” The blue raccoon ran off into the bushes from whence he had come, shooting fire into the sky and spouting nonsense.

Chuck realized there was nothing to be done. He sat down under the tree, prepared to meet his chilly fate.

That night, the streets became stained with condiments.

Fire and Courage

His sword glistened in the morning sunlight. He inspected his shield, blackened and scorched. He tried to block out the carnage strewn about him. The night had taken its toll with little to show in return. His comrades fallen, he alone remained to face the dragon.

A plume of fire spit into the air beyond the hill the knight hid behind; the morning’s glow seemed dim in comparison. Gathering his courage, the knight pulled the visor of his helm back down over his eyes. He tightened his grip on shield and sword as he charged the top of the hill, a battle cry roaring from his smoke filled throat. The great black dragon turned to face the sound, its massive claws cutting deep furrows into the earth. A thunderous roar shook the ground and smoke billowed from the dragon’s flared nostrils. Its gaping maw let loose a pillar of fire, scorching earth and air as it flew toward the knight. The knight crouched down behind his shield. Fire curled around its edges as the mighty blast hit. The intense heat soaked through the shield like water on a shirt. The carefully forged metal began to melt around the knight’s gauntleted hand. Just as the knight thought he could stand no more, the dragon’s fiery assault broke off. The knight pried his now useless shield from his arm and tossed the melted remains to the ground.

The dragon lifted its head high into the air as if preparing to unleash another molten breath. Instead, its massive wings unfurled from its back and began to beat, clearing the area of morning fog and battle smoke. The unrelenting blasts of air brought the knight to his knees. The dragon lifted from the ground, its wings blocking out the sun itself. The dragon flew towards the knight, pulling up at the last second to bring its lethal tail sweeping down onto him. The knight attempted to dodge, but was not quick enough. The scaled tail caught his torso and hurled him across the charred field. The breath left his lungs as the knight hit the ground. His head bounced, sending his helm flying. Above he could see the onyx beast circling around for another pass. The knight struggled to his feet, desperately trying to get his breath. He spotted a nearby rock and stumbled toward its cover. He felt the dragon breath burning around him as he ducked behind the rock, barely a moment before the fiery attack struck the ground. He glanced down at his battered armor. The tail attack had left it bent and broken. His movement would be too hampered if he left it on. The broken joints allowed the armor to slip off easily. The knight secured his sword into a sheath on his back and stepped out from the rock, prepared for his final stand.

The dragon belched a ball of fire up into the clouds and began another deathly swoop towards the knight. The knight set his feet and stood his ground. There was no turning back now. He was all that stood between this destructive beast and the town in the valley below. The dragon picked up speed as it made its descent. It began to bring its tail around for another swipe. The knight was ready. As the tail swept across the ground the knight leapt into the air. He reached out and grabbed hold as the tail crashed down where he had stood. The dragon flew into the sky, the knight using every ounce of strength to hold on. Slowly the knight began crawling up the dragon’s body, using its massive black scales as hand and footholds. Meanwhile the dragon dove and spun in the air, trying to dislodge its attacker. The knight continued his journey; hand over hand he made it to the dragon’s shoulders. He reached underneath and got a firm grip on a scale at the front of the dragon’s neck. The knight let the rest of his body fall, leaving him dangling high in the air between the dragon’s front legs. With his free hand, the knight pulled his sword from its sheath. He swung his body towards the dragon’s chest, his sword’s razor edge gleaming as the knight plunged it between the dragon’s scales, into its heart. A deafening scream pierced the air as the dragon cried out in anger and pain. Its wings stopped their motion and the dragon began plummeting to the ground far below. The knight held on, twisting his sword into the dragon as they fell. A cloud of dirt exploded into the air when the dragon finally hit the ground.

The knight gazed across the battlefield to the fallen beast as it took its final, dying breath. The knight smiled, oblivious to his own battered and broken body. The dragon had fallen; he had saved the town. The knight closed his eyes and allowed the darkness to take him.

~A Princess Tale~

Once upon a time there was a princess named Aria who lived in a tree because she was afraid of castles. What kind of princess is afraid of castles you might ask? To you I would say, do not interrupt the story! For many moons she was trapped atop this ancient tree, for her fear of splinters kept her from climbing down. Again you might feel the need to interrupt and ask how she got to the top of the tree in the first place. For this question I will give you an answer: MAGIC!

Now where was I? Oh yes, many moons, atop a tree, so lonely! Well, she did have servants who climbed the tree every day to bring her tea and sandwiches, so she wasn’t really alone. To be honest she got to see many people as the tree was located next to the castle entrance and everyone traveling to and from the castle had to pass by it. They would shout jolly hellos to her and sometimes laugh because what kind of crazy princess is afraid of castles anyway?

The king and queen of the castle begged their daughter to see sense and come down from the tree, but she swore never to descend unless a young prince proved his love to her by slaying the dragon in the nearby town. Many princes would come by and gaze up at her (she was actually quite attractive).

“Why doth thou live atop yon tree?” the princes would ask.

“I await my true love,” she would answer. “And also I have a strange fear of castles!”

Many princes would shout, “thou art crazed!” and leave her to her tree at this point, but some became enamored by her beauty and would say, “Cometh down from yon tree, for thou true love be me!”

“Why do you talk so funny?” the princess would ask.

“I’m really not sure,” they would answer. “But what can I do to win your love?”

“Slay the dragon and bring me his head!” she would tell them.

The princes would go home at this point because the dragon’s teeth and claws were oh so sharp. Also, he had very hot breath that smelled much like rotting meat. Finally, he was actually a pretty nice guy and they would just feel bad about killing him.

The princess feared she would never find true love. Then one morning she awoke and found herself lying upon the ground!

“How did I get here?” she asked no one in particular.

No one in particular remained silent and she never learned how she got to the ground. But fear not, I will tell you! The family of squirrels who also inhabited her tree removed her in the night, for her smell was quite ferocious! Baths are not readily available at the tops of trees after all!

Alas this tale has now reached its conclusion. What’s that? What about the princess and her lack of true love? Well come on now, who would really want to spend the rest of their lives with someone who was afraid of castles and splinters?

Gifts of the Night

He loaded another bolt into his crossbow. Quickly he wiped the blood from his hands and gripped the handle. There would be more, he knew. They hunted in packs; he had only killed two so far. He focused on keeping his eyes straight ahead, not daring to glance at the disfigured corpse of his friend. They had attacked while they were sleeping. His friend hadn't stood a chance. A scream had barely escaped his lips before they ripped out his throat.

He had managed to kill those first two. The crossbow almost severed the head of the first one. This sent the other into a frenzied rage. It flew at him with a fiery vengeance in its eyes. His dagger brought it down, but not without a cost. He brushed his hand against the bloody wreckage that had been his ear. Blood flowed from the gashes in his chest with each labored breath. Unable to stand he sat with his back against a tree. He would not live through the night, but the need for revenge tore through his veins like a fire and kept him fighting.

A nearby bush exploded as another one barreled through it. He was ready this time. The bolt caught it in the chest and hurled it back into the darkness. He could hear its brethren shrieking. The sickening wet crunching filled his ears as they devoured the corpse of their fallen comrade.
Without pause he grabbed another bolt and reloaded the crossbow, trying not to think about what would happen once the three remaining bolts were used up. Menacing, guttural sounds began to grow around him. They weren't rushing in anymore. They had become more cautious. For a second he almost allowed himself to believe he had scared them off. Then a deafening roar broke through the darkness, assaulting his remaining eardrum. Three of them stepped carefully into the campsite, their skin glistening in the firelight. He raised his crossbow, about to take aim, when he heard a growl next to him. They were surrounding him. His hands began to tremble. He lifted the crossbow and fired at the three closest. The bolt flew harmlessly above their heads. Sinister taunting smiles seemed to curl onto their faces.

Before he could reach for more ammo they were on him. The first landed on his chest. He felt little resistance as his dagger split the soft flesh under its chin. He screamed as the other two dug their claws into his legs. Out of the corner of his eye he could see the ones that had flanked him coming out of the trees.

A desperate adrenaline fueled rage took hold of him. He struck out at the one devouring his right leg. His fist sunk deep into its head. It collapsed onto the ground as he pulled his fist free. With both hands he grabbed the one on his left leg around the neck. Oblivious to the fragments of bone sticking out of his hand, he began to squeeze. The unearthly moan that escaped the creature brought a smile to his face.

Tossing the limp form aside he grabbed his dagger and managed to get to his feet. He turned to face the ones approaching from the trees. His knife hand smashed through the first one to attack. The next two grabbed hold and began to savage the remains of his chest. He blindly slashed at them with the dagger. He cried out in agony as he felt another land on his back. He fell to the ground, fists flying in a bloodied rage.

He glanced around him as the blood filled his eyes. Their broken corpses covered the ground. A laugh somehow escaped his mangled body. He had not fallen easily.

The Talk

-Can we roll the windows down? It’s really hot in here.
-Sure babe.
-How did the interview go?
-Same as all the others.
-That good, huh?
-That good.
-I know you’ll find something soon.
-I guess.
-What do you mean? That’s what you want right?
-I don’t know what I want.
-We talked about this.
-I know that.
-I thought your mind was made up. Do you want to talk more?
-No.
-Do you want to go to college?
-No.
-The smartest person in our graduating class by a long shot and you don’t want to go to college.
-This again?
-Oh hush, you know I don’t care. It may even make me love you more.
-Right.
-What does your dad say?
-You can probably guess. “Get a degree or your life is over.”
-You should tell him.
-Why?
-Why not?
-He’s got enough to worry about. Besides, I’d rather be able to live the rest of my life without everyone else worrying about me.
-He’ll find out soon enough.
-Soon enough.
-Do you ever want to just get away?
-What do you mean?
-We should just start driving and not stop until we’ve seen a dozen things that take our breath away and then stop there and find a house to live in.
-Well I’m at one already.
-One what?
-Thing that takes my breath away.
-You’re so sweet. I’m serious though.
-I’ve thought about it. As happy as it would make me, I couldn’t leave everything.
-What’s to leave?
-Family mostly.
-They’re ok without you.
-I guess I know that, but deep inside it feels like I’m running out on them.
-Sometimes you have to live for yourself.
-Sometimes some people have to live for themselves. Others need to live for the people they love.
-If they loved you they would want you to be happy.
-Oh they do.
-Then what’s stopping you?
-Part of me always thinks I’m doing the wrong thing.
-Tell that part to shut up. Just do what feels right.
-...
-Are you done talking?
-I didn’t even say anything.
-I know, that’s what I mean. You reach a point and it’s like you run out of words.
-I’m sorry.
-Don’t be sorry. I love you.
-I know
-...
-Now who’s run out of words?
-Oh, I’M not allowed to be quiet?
-I didn’t say that.
-Those apartments down by the lake are nice. What are they called?
-I don’t know.
-We should drive by tomorrow.
-I thought you were going to drive across the country?
-They aren’t as nice as some of the others in town but I think the view is worth it.
-You wanted to go to college.
-Yes, I did.
-Well, why aren’t you?
-Things change.
-They don’t have to.
-Don’t they?
-We could change our minds. It’s not too late.
-Some things are more important than college. Sometimes it’s more important to live the life you’re given instead of the one everyone expects of you.
-Sometimes.
-Most times.
-Most people don’t do it.
-Most people don’t. You should tell your dad.
-Which part?
-Everything.
-No.
-Then who is supposed to explain? Me?
-No, I’ve written a letter.
-Oh, that makes it all ok then.
-Hush.
-We could move to the moon.
-That’s definitely what we should do.
-The baby would have plenty of room to play!
-...
-Are you empty again?
-I guess so. You know I would be ok with it right? I mean, if we did it. You shouldn’t have to, I mean, by yourself…
-I wouldn’t be ok. I’ll need this.
-Ok.
-Will you play catch with him?
-So sure it’s a boy?
-I am. Will you take him fishing?
-...
-What did the doctor say?
-...
-What did he say? Less than we thought?
-...
-What did he say?
-Two months.
-...
-I’m sorry.
-You need to tell your Dad.
-I’ll tell him tonight.
-Hold me.
-Make sure our boy gets to go fishing, will you?
-I will.
-Thanks for not crying.
-I’m empty.